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2003-09-15 @ 3:18 a.m. Tonight i lay restless as i think of the pain i will cause you The morning hours tearing through the darkness As i try to justify these abysmal feelings haunting my mind Because even though i cherish the countless strings that bind us together Each one sewn on to us in intricate knots and delicate smiles They asphyxiate me as well Climbing like vines around my neck and heart I just need to cut a few of them away so i can breathe Yet the thoughts of fresh air aren't calming at all Not if it means hurting the one thing that loves me in this world Because for the longest time i've wished for a love that treated me as you do With such beautiful words dripping with the greatest sincerity Wrapping my broken ego in silk and satin But if this is what i've always wanted Why don't i feel like i thought i would? Maybe it's because i'm scared Maybe i'm not ready for a love like this And maybe you deserve something so much better than me- A girl so doubtful, so horribly confused That she constantly tears at and pushes your heart away Well have mine, you can do the same For both God and i know i deserve it If only i could be what you think that i am And if only i was human enough to be content Then all of these second guesses wouldn't incessantly hang over me Like a stalking shadow I know a "we can still be friends" doesn't make up for what i've done to you But please know that your friendship and understanding would mean more to me Than anything ever could Because though my strength is slowly building to say this to you It will never reach the level i'd need to live without you Or to live knowing that you hate me Trust me, i already know i'm the worst person in the world And i know i don't have the right to ask anything of you But for you to understand and comply to my inexcusable demands Would be the best thing you could ever do for me And if this girl ever grows up and realizes what an insane mistake she has made Please, reconsider me. .Past. Entries.
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